What Makes Fred Thomspon Qualified For President?

Well it's probably not his resume, but maybe it's his family values. Like such beacons of virtue as thrice married Rudy Guiliani, and twice married John McCain, Thomspon has been married twice, and his current wife is 24 years younger than him. That's a year for every hour in a Jack Bauer season.

With this in mind I think I've discovered the perfect candidate for the GOP ticket. He's a man of dubious distinction, an underachiever in the mold of G.W. Bush, it looks like he's close to getting remarried himself, and he's a Republican:

A-Rod for President. Because he doesn't believe in taking oaths seriously either.