Disappointing...but loss not to be conceded.

This is truly a disappointing moment for me, and frankly I am a bit depressed. I expected it to be a close race, and I expected the usual pranks and tricks on both sides, but what I didn't expect was it to be so tilted towards Bush, and the GOP.

Bush is currently leading the popular vote by about 2 million, and with races close in about 4 "swing" states, it seems that Kerry's hopes of an electoral win hinge on Ohio where Bush is currently leading by about 150,000 votes. The Kerry team will not concede until every last vote is counted (as it should be) but unless there's some type of miracle it looks like we will have four more years.

Right now I'm too aggravated to get into the how or why of a Bush victory. I feel that Kerry and the DMC did their jobs, and though I disagree with the GOP's position, they also got out their message. No one can doubt the intensity and veracity that each candidate brought to the table. If I could say that Kerry was lax, or there was some last minute scandal, or even, as some of us thought, Bin Laden was brought to justice--the rabbit out of the hat, I could accept that. But there was no magic trick here, no slight of hand, instead this election was a referendum on our foreign policy and we, as a group, mandated it--and in larger numbers than any election in a decade.

In their Album "Hail to the Thief," Radiohead claims that America got what it deserved with Bush because we "fell asleep." This time we embraced the president with open arms, and we'll deserve all we'll get. I for one am very, very afraid. This election marks a turning point in history that lays the path for where America will go in the 21st century. The age of Imperialism is upon us and for better or worse, we want it.

And so I'd like to give some of my insights and tips on how we will live in the upcoming four years, and the following eight when we elect Jeb Bush president in 2008. And remember America, in the United States, we don't have an aristocracy.

(By the way, Kerry just conceded. Great.)

Well folks we can expect more of the "eternal war for eternal peace" foreign policy. Expect more American deaths (And come on! Aren't those the ones that REALLY matter?) in Iraq and in the Middle East, including a couple in our own borders. Keep good track of the terror colors and expect flak jackets to come into fashion (For 2008, Sean John will have them with the new logo "Vote and Die") We also have a good chance of invading Syria, Iran, and Palestine, because dammit, if the Israelis won't do it we can!

Manufacturing jobs in America will become obsolete, but that's all right because we will soon specialize in specialized jobs--that is for those who will be able to afford the education to be specialized, however since we're going to need the money from education to spend on war we'll outsourcing those jobs to India and China as well. By the way, in 2007 India will officially change their name to "Dell country."

All Homosexuals will either move to VA or MA, where if they stick their heads out of the state they will be hit on the head with wooden mallets like a gopher coming out of their tunnel. We will also begin to call them "hetro-challenged."

Illegal Immigration will reach an all time high, which is good since they will be the workforce of America.

Poor Blacks, and Latinos you may now report directly to the closest police officer who will escort you to a prison or the military recruitment center of your choice (Read: Army or Marines). Should you choose prison, you will not pass go or collect 200$. Poor whites you may also report to these prisons for guard duty, or the above recruitment centers. Oprah, Shaq, Puffy, and Ricky Martin will be exempt from this rule and will be instructed to demonstrate to the world the American Dream in action.

Any one earning over 100,000 dollars a year will not pay a cent of taxes. However because of the deflation of the dollar the Euro will be the currency of the United States. 100,000$ will be roughly equal to 1,000,000$ And lets face it, if you're not making over 1,000,000$ a year by now then dammit you deserve to be paying taxes you lazy ass!

Asians: We'll just keep on ignoring you.

For the elderly in this country, you will not be forgotten--Half of your Social Security will be used for our foreign policy (See above) However you will have the opportunity to invest your retirement funds in either: Halliburton, Enron, Worldcom, the Lotto, or Bad Boy Records. If any of these companies fail (Or as we like to call it--hit a momentary speed bump) it would have been all your fault for not spending your every waking moment investigating said companies' business practices. In fact we encourage you to walk down to these companies to check them out, exercise is good for your health, and since we cut Medicare and Medicaid you're going to need all the health you can get.

Universal health coverage: We've had that, its called potter's field.

Finally the bottom line: Get wealthy. Get wealthy now, quickly and as selfishly as possible. We really don't care how you do it, but money talks and middle class living walks. Sell Crack, Crystal Meth...whatever (Unless of course you're a minority (shouldn't you be in prison anyway?)) we don't really care. Embezzle funds from your company, lie, cheat or kill, that's fine just as long as you're not an abortion doctor...just kidding you can be that too! But seriously, get a lot of money together, that's the bottom line. If you're hoping for a return to the days of just making enough to have a nice house, and raise your family in a good environment while working a manufacturing, or a managerial job, and then retire on Social then buddy, you're in trouble, and if you don't like it well...

I hear Al-Qaeda's hiring.